I was born

My earliest list was composed of two items, me, cars. I was obsessed with myself and autos from a young age - go figure! \

My earliest memory is of a room of blue. 

My favorite cloud was a mistake, a intercommunication between the friends on the soccer-field , turned out it was a building he was talking about.



My first tape woke me up and put me to bed, Side A began with the entirety of the Fred Flinstones Soundtrack CD, waking me up each morning to the sound of his feet pitterings and boings. Rube Goldbergian soundscape. After this was Disco (the genre), DEVO's greatest misses, b-52s and the "i melt with you" song. Side B was Raffi and Dinosaur sounding synthesizer music bringing my vibrational frequencies of the day to an earth-centered and movie credits moment.

I want to do anything I want to do, but that doesnt mean I'll do it, I usually dont! Look at the world, I didnt save it! Sometimes I just ask what do you want? What do I expect from you? Nothing less will do! I love diagrams, like drawings they look something on paper, but they got "it" going on. Better than a computer program or a movie, its like a little module of mental representation you can learn into yourself and bring out and apply when ya like. For example, sometimes I forget how to write a check or deposit money at the bank. I usually just look at the teller until they tell me what to do. I sometimes act foreign or stoned, thanking them alot and writing neatly but messy enough to seem cool. Once I deposited 3,000 dollars cash in bags after hours on foot at the drive-thru pretending to be confused. I do that alot, it takes the pressure and makes it colorful and easier to play with. Sometimes I got lost in the realms of minds and hearts, other peoples, mine owns, I've been caught in emotional quicksand before and been brought to tears that feel like felliatio. Wading thrue the jelly of my inner self I occasionaly stumble onto a rich oasis of galactic sunshine and palm trees. There I might find representations of my friends or just animals I like, the bear, the turtle, the lizard, the gecko, the bird, red, blue, shiny black, often I am attracted to the geology and plant life. Especially crystalline and reflective ones that flake or give off a glow. Once when I was lost inside I found a city made of twigs sitting on cracked dirt, it used to remind me of Africa when I was a kid playing in the grassless summer yard outside space pushing further and further away like a vertigo hall and the twigs gaining elevator shafts or streamers.
In the sandbox I was rebellious and focused. I would stay in till the sun went down, constructing pathways and chambers only they lucky ones knew of. My friends were David, Rapheal and Leonardo. Their bodies the right size to fit thru and they never got bored. I used the Schock around the playground because everybody liked him and I wanted to too. Sure I thought he was cute and had kissed him on the cheek once or twice. We had even done Oddyssey of the Mind together, he understood when I knocked the giant starfish off his wall, I didnt understand why he wanted to be Ash. But we hovered over the gray screen barely tasting dinner until we had beat Barack and learn some special moves, plugged into the wall.
We didnt even listen to music yet. Or if we did it was just another form of energy in our sphere that actually we liked, were gravitated to. I remember everytime by the John Lennon print of his lyrics to "Nowhere Man" there was a song. Everybody knows it and I remember feeling a hot tear when I heard comeing in from winter or going home. Here it is:







Sometimes we'd play the big black grand piano and find the two to three notes that sounded really and just play them really fast.
In the middle he started smoking pot before me, I first noticed a Black Sabbath poster and an even more relaxed composure, his disposition almost flaccid. The internet took forever. I remember being so stoned and that sound of his blue computer where you could see the inside of the mother-board and his chair is more comfortable than mine, his swivels, mines an older piece made of weed. I think we trying to chat with other Starcraft fans, but then the next day we discovered music. He brought home a drum set and a bass amp and that's when it began. When his parents would go to a political rally or cooking classes, or grading papers upstairs in the loft. We would smoke and toke in the porch, often spraying AXE in our mouths (his idea) as anti-notice measure afterthought. But it was obvious when we left it out.
For some summers I would lie tired on his lawn jumping jacks and wormwar on the trampoline. Backyard was a jungle mess and when we were pre-pube we would crawl thru the thick and scale the roof of the stylized modern treefort that as teenagers we were ordered to dismantle by his father. It was a sad moment where we felt hollow unsure if anything could replace this in a way a portal into another world closed forever. We rarely cried together but it when it did happen we meant it. The caricature is impossible to resist and hard to avoid if you want to even have one anchor thats not even a cell phone ever before you should consider having your own self.